Inday’s So-Called Life

I’m not really sure where it all started but I am really amused with the series of text messages I’ve been receiving about this so-called ‘Inday’. This morning I received an e-mail with the full-story (minus the ‘call-center’ part) of Inday’s So-Called Life.

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila. Habang ini-interview ng amo.

Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value
of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work- efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa principal’s office dahil di makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies
because they suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages
and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it’s
harder when people can’t understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request – Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, nagging syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have
no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!”

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem to contrive as any affections for you are somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofor, you can expect an end to any verbal
articulation from myself”

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you thought are just nothing because maybe someday you’ll realize that the one you gave away is the very thing you’ve been wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday.

Amo: [nagpakamatay]

Things I do when riding a cab

Nowadays, as the Filipino nation have embraced the reality of having one of the worst vehicular traffic system, I realized that travel time has become a serious part of my daily schedule, given that I work in Makati and reside in Manila. But instead of frowning and cursing the traffic enough to embarrass the Lord Almighty, I have resulted to many different ‘activities’ that I now enjoy while stuck in the middle of the dead-lane.

1. Sleep. I rarely get enough sleep due to overtime work so sleeping in-flight is a big help. However, I only do this if I completely trust my driver (which happens a lot because my dad’s business is taxi service, yack yack yack!).

2. Play deaf-mute. Just stare at the outside world and forget all things. Relax and calm down. This will also give an impression that you’re suplado/suplada and the driver or your seatmate (if travelling with a companion) wont bother opening a conversation about how polluted Metro Manila is.

3. Talk. If you’re the type that hates serenity, open up to the people you’re with. I usually open a cab conversation with, “Manong, boundary ka na ba?”, but I think it scares the driver more than making him at ease. So I immediately switch the topic by saying, “Kayo na bahala sa dadaanan, kung saan kayo makakaluwag at mapapadali”. If the driver is the snobbish type (they are, especially during rush hour) and you’re not with someone, then just rest your case and do other things.

4. Tap the dashbroad (if you’re seated at the front passenger seat). Pretend that you’re singing, as if a band member or maybe hum to the beat of “Kingdom of Pretty” by Bonnie Bailey, especially if the car radio is turned off. This will create an impression that you would like to hear some music and eventually the driver turn on the music. If the car radio is broken, too bad.

5. Look around. Pretend that you’re a probinsiyano/na on your first trip to Metro Manila. Stare at billboards and check the celebrities and how silly they pose at times (case in point: Piolo Pascual’s Bench billboard in Quiapo, zoomed on his face and ‘coloured’ lips, with matching internalization as if he is experiencing orgasmic sensation). Look for picture perfect establishments, or better yet, familiarize yourself with the environment.

6. Enter people’s lives. Create stories on how people outside go about with their lives. My favorites will be lonely people riding the jeepneys looking far beyond the horizon.

Afternoon Delights

First, let me inform you that food is one of my weaknesses, and good food presentation defeats all means of dieting. However, in an environment wherein you cannot afford the luxury of getting gourmet or ‘hotel-plated-style’ treats (ex. office), I guess I can settle to whatever the pantry fridge has to offer. It’s now past 3pm and as scheduled (hehe), I am feeling that urge to eat, again (2 hours after having that rice toppings fiesta for lunch).

Here are some of snackable items I currently crave for:

1. Wendy’s bacon-cheeseburger biggie-sized combo meal. This is a tried-and-tested that doesn’t just satisfy the stomach for its big portion but also creates a calming effect that would bring you to sleep (due to the feeling of fullness). I used to have this at least once a week in my college years, no wonder I grew this much. Wendy’s is available at key areas of the metro and is also available for delivery.

2. Oliver’s Super Sandwiches. Need I say more? I just love their products. Go there and taste love in every bite (wow! cheesy!). I usually go to Oliver’s in Glorietta.

3.  Conti’s meat pies. Okay, so you may now be getting that I am a meat-lover. But oh yes, this product is simply a must-try. My first time to taste it was when a client offered it as a gift/bribe. Soon after, I found myself in front of their branch in Greenhills, teary-eyed and excited to try some more. Its good even when cold, but then most people might find it gross (well I don’t, haha!). Conti’s also has a branch in Parañaque and Taguig.

4. Monster bite pizza. Its not your typical American-style pizza (ex. Yellow Cab, Dominos), nor the authentic Italian ones (ex. Sbarro, Italiannis) but its the Juan dela Cruz brand and style of pizza. Its actually as big (if not bigger) than Yellow Cab and has less grease. It also has several flavors and you can choose to have 1-4 flavors in a whole pie. The pizza dough is more toasted (think Greenwich) letting you taste the toppings rather than feel bloated from all the dough and yeast per square inch of pizza. Some people consider it cheap. I consider it delicioso. Monster bite delivers within Makati City only. Mind you, if you’re planning to order, make it early (as early as 10AM or 12nn) as they are always packed with delivery orders the whole afternoon (they are that in-demand).

5. Sushi from Spiral. This modern buffet spot features a Japanese section with a conservative number of specialties. Although not really that splendid, the careful preparation, appealing presentation and relaxing ambiance compliments its food for a sure afternoon delight. Spiral is open for lunch and dinner at the Sofitel.

Ay, my list would go on. But for now maybe this will do. My boss will be back anytime soon, sure she would be happy to see that I am busy clicking my keyboard (doing work), but once she asks for my accomplishment for the day, I might just go run for my life or drop dead. Ay caramba!

How about you? What makes your tummy smile during afternoon breaks?